Wednesday, November 3, 2010

US elections. The Go Fuck Yourself Movement Continues

The winner of the US midterm elections is the Westminster System. Because unlike the US system, the Westminster system, especially those in Commonwealth nations like Australia and Canada, is fully capable of running without a clear majority.

Thats because we ignore our constitutions.

I am no Bob Carr or Kim Bomber Beasley, but blind Freddy can see how fucked the US system is.

1. There is no central election body like the Australian Electoral Commission. Each county (Aussie equivalent is Municipal Councils) run the booths, with state and federal inntervention on such matters as electoral rolls and electoral boundaries. As a result, most US congressional districts are so fucking gerrymandered that Joh Bjelke Petersen would blush in its blatant electoral rorting.

2. The political parties leaders look at the Westminster Systems parties and sigh in envy. Getting party members to vote the same way is like herding cats, a fucking fools errand.

3. The division between executive and legislative is very pronounced in the US, compared to Australia. When our founding fathers looked at the President and Congressional roles, as a man said "These people are fucking insane!". This is why the Prime Minister is a member of the lower house, to submit legislation and prove to the monarch (or Governor General), that s/he

  1. Enjoys the support of the house
  2. actually introduce legislation that is not hijacked by every single member who wants some pork barrelling
  3. Allow check and balances on the powers of the executive. The only check and balance the US president has in the USA is a Impeachment. 
This topic is boring me. However, the USA has dammed itself for 2 years of flipper baby ineptness and gridlock. We can work a similar situation in Australia, because our founding fathers had a clue. I doubt the US founding fathers can say the same thing. But I can guarantee that Bob Carr will rip a new arsehole on me on this topic.

Two words Bob. Fucking Bring IT!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The people have spoken, and they say in one voice "GO FUCK YOURSELVES!"

This has been the perfect result to a fucked up election. We got the parliament we, and the major parties, deserved.

I barely watched the election. The ABC did a good job, with Kerry, Leigh Sales and Antony Green, with support from Puny Human #1 and Puny Human #2. When I went out to my local bottlo for a nice red, the poor fucking shopkeeper had Channel Nine on. I wanted to kill the portable TV and then the store clerk to end his suffering. It was so fucking bad I was lucky not to vomit on the carpet!

On the result, you are going to hear a lot of fucking bullshit. I would gladly feed all those offering advice to Walshie, but I fear he may die from over feeding.

Here is how it is:

The 1940-1943 is not a good example of a hung parliament. Firstly we where at war and this was the darkest days of the war. Secondly, the UAP (United Australia Party) was a strange part time organisation on its last legs. The fact it was blighted by Billy Hughes (who had the anti midas touch of turning political parties to shit) did not help. Secondly, the ALP was in one of its split periods. Not by Saint Bob Santamaria, but by loyalist to Jack Lang. Even the fucking backstabbing was better then, the fucks at Sussex St had nothing on these boys.

The UAP - Country party coalition was not helped by Menzies going to England and sucking Imperial cock to try and become the English Prime Minister.

Menzies government fell and Curtain formed government when 2 independents swapped sides. And lets be truthful here, John Curtin is our greatest Prime Minister (with Gough a close second).

Do we have a leader on either side of the house even close to the calibre of Curtin? No we do not. Both leaders we have now can not even stair down their back room bosses, let alone a Winston Churchill with a bug up his arse.

So what now?

The Governor General asks the ALP if it can form government. Public votes mean crap here, so cock punch anyone who says the person who has the highest votes should form government. The ALP needs to prove to the GG if they have the confidence of the lower house. So it is up to the independents and green members to determine if they are willing to support the ALP. If not, the GG then askes the Liberals if they can gain the confidence of the house.

Remember, from the excellent site regarding the Commonwealth Government

The Constitution is silent on the role of political parties in parliament. It does not make any reference to a government party, an opposition party or minor parties, or to roles like Prime Minister and Leader of the Opposition. These are conventions that have been adopted to assist the smooth operation of the legislature

So the government can take any shape, as long as the Parliament (which is sovereign) approves. 

Quoting from the Australian Politics website, these conventions are

Executive Government Conventions

Chapter 2 of the Constitution (Sections 61-70) sets out how the Government of Australia shall operate. It makes no mention of the Cabinet, political parties or the Prime Minister:

  • Section 61 states: "The executive power of the Commonwealth is vested in the Queen and is exercisable by the Governor-General as the Queen's representative, and extends to the execution and maintenance of this Constitution, and of the laws of the Commonwealth."
    In practice, it is the Cabinet, led by the Prime Minister, which performs this task.

  • Section 62 states: "There shall be a Federal Executive Council to advise the Governor-General in the government of the Commonwealth, and the members of the Council shall be chosen and summoned by the Governor-General and sworn as Executive Councillors, and shall hold office during his pleasure."
    In practice, the Governor-General, acting on the advice of the leader of the majority party in the House of Representatives, summons members of the majority party and swears them in as ministers. The Executive Council operates in accordance with the Constitution, but the Governor-General always acts on the advice of his ministers.

  • Section 64 states: "The Governor-General may appoint officers to administer such departments of State of the Commonwealth as the Governor-General in Council may establish. Such officers shall hold office during the pleasure of the Governor-General. They shall be members of the Federal Executive Council, and shall be the Queen's Ministers of State for the Commonwealth."
    In practice, the Prime Minister is the person who leads the party with a majority in the House of Representatives. The ministers are chosen by the Prime Minister who advises the Governor-General of the names and portfolios to be allocated to them.
    It was this section of the Constitution that the Governor-General used to dismiss the Whitlam Government in 1975. This is the only instance in Federal political history of the Governor-General exercising the so-called Reserve Powers in this way.

 So, it would be legal for the GG to say, fuck off, I am doing it my way. And she may do a better job than the fucks that stood in the last election. She could not do worse.

    Friday, August 20, 2010

    Debt is not bad, only bad debtors.

    The one thing that has shitted me (well apart from the leaders, the debates, the inept management from both party's machines, the lack of vision, the inability to do anything without having it focused grouped or polled, of fuck it, everything....) has been the debate on debt.

    Ok kids. The truth. NOT ALL GOVERNMENT DEBT IS BAD!

    Basic economics. Supply and demand.

    If there is too much money in the economy, the value of it goes down. We call this inflation. That is fucking bad, but only if it running high. Low inflation means the economy is growing. Which is why the RBA has a target figure of 2-4% inflation.

    There is to ways to manipulate inflation. One is to increase interest rates. The other is to reduce the amount of money in the economy.

    Which is why the RBA has been willing to press the button on interest rates, even during election campaigns. Why?


    The Liberal fuck heads took fiscal policy (the government budget process) out of the interest game. Because the government can also reduce the supply of money by BORROWING?

    Governments borrow by issuing bonds. This is a good thing, as they are a very secure investment. The bonds are backed by the government, and the last time a Government fucked around with bond repayments (Jack Lang's NSW Govt), the Governor fired his comm's arse!

    By selling federal bonds locally, a government can reduce the money flowing in the economy. It can also use the bond money to fund long term infrastructure which is to risky for private enterprise to do. AND THIS IS WHY FEDERAL INFRASTRUCTURE IS SO FUCKED! By not raising debt, Costello was not willing to fund the big ticket items the nation needs.

    Now, note, that big government debt is really bad. Hyperinflation, risk of defaulting loans and other such things  does not make a nation stable. I point to the USA on how unstable hyper debt can be.

    We don't have this problem. If anything, we have too much cash sitting around doing nothing. I personally like the idea of the future fund, but I would like governments and private enterprise to tap into it to fund projects. And I expect them to pay back the money in interest. Thats how banks make their money.

    So, as I tweeted, if anyone tells you that Government debt is bad, castrate them. They should never be allowed to breed, or at least screw around on a parliamentary salary. Because they are fucking stupid.

    Saturday, August 14, 2010

    Where is the vision thing?

    The current election is missing its heart and soul.

    No one is willing to tell us how they see Australia beyond the next fucking election cycle.

    So where do you see yourself in 5, 10 or 20 years?

    Labor and Liberals seem to be deathly afraid to tell us where they see Australia in the future, as if they may alienate some voters. Sorry people, as a politician, you do need to alienate people, you can not be all things to everyone. If you are all things to everyone, we also call it the lowest common denominator.

    Julia and Tony, tell us what you fucking think. Do not hide behind opinion polls and focus groups. Take a stand and fucking say "This is where I see Australia going!".

    Otherwise we are going nowhere fast.

    Saturday, July 24, 2010

    Friday, July 23, 2010

    Playing around with my virtual world

    Because I hate the lime light, unlike some I can mention (yes Bob, I AM looking at you), I am working on doing interviews in Virtual Reality. I have a VR stage set up in the clock tower. And Ranga Sales has kindly offered to assist.

    And the reason I am wearing an butcher apron? I do spend a lot of time preparing food for Bomber and Walshie, and both like their meat raw. Only Walshie bothers to take it of the cow first.

    Wednesday, July 21, 2010

    The best example of a successful political social media campaign

    Did you see the @oldspice man's videos he made on Youtube? No, not the Old Spice ads (which are fucking awesome), but the question and answer project he did in the last week?

    Congratulations, you saw the perfect example of a political social media campaign.

    Now you would be saying that I am full of shit if I was anyone else except for me, but hear me out.

    He was connecting with his audience, and his audience loved him.

    It was not a fucking sound bite delivered via social media. It was a simple question being answered.

    In the Old Spice Man's world, the responses where humourous, over the top and surreal. However, he was not trying to shovel a fucking slogan down our throats, or pound a fucking product into our subconscious. He was being a man (an awesome man, the er), talking to his adoring public, one at a time. The message was not to everyone at once, but assessable to everyone, via twitter, facebook, youtube and what not.

    The message was subtle. It was simple. The message is "Old Spice makes you awesome". He did not have to blurt it out. He reached out to the net terrorists and porno kids at He reached out to the Twitterati like Rose McGowan and Alysia Milano.

    And they loved it, and shared it.

    It became a meme. It swept the internet faster than Rick Astley or Star Wars Kid.

    It was perfect.

    And if used for politics, it would be perfect as well.

    The fucking statanists at Sussex St or King St have no idea. The ALP has in its federal arsenal some very telegenic talent. Fucking Peter Garret has more credibility in his shit that Tony Abbott has in is empty head. Maxine McKew used to be on FUCKING Television! Even Kate Lundy has massive credibility in the Aussie interwebs. SO FUCKING USE THEM.

    Get some of the trainee drones and arse kissers to scan social media, and pick 20 questions a day. Any question. Don't stack it with stooge crap. Questions from the public. You know...THE FUCKING VOTERS!

    Get someone on a camera for 2 hours a day and answer the questions. Does not have to be the same person, rotate to show that the ALP is fucking full of AWESOME talent. And answer the FUCKING QUESTIONS!

    Answer honestly, succinctly and most importantly, avoid the slogans. The social media audience will gut you like day old fucking fish if you repeat the old slogans like mystical chants, and 4Chan will nuke your servers.

    Treat them like sensible people. Its not a speech. It is a conversation between the speaker and the questioner.

    Engage with the fucking voters, and they will do the spreading of the message for you. That is what a fucking internet meme means. Don't control the message.

    However, I think this is as likely as a virgin surviving a night in Sussex St. I can fucking dream though

    Thursday, July 15, 2010


    Yes, I did write THAT letter. You can find a pdf of it here on the Oz.

    I wrote about 5 drafts. One I threw away because I was laughing my arse off from the claims that Bob and Blanche leaked to the Murdoch press. Four of them did have fucking colourful language, which I do tend to sprinkle into my writing and speeches.

    I am very happy with the result. I knew I was not writing for Bob alone, as he would leak it straight away. I was surprised that he went to The Australian, I thought it would have gone to the tabloids.

    The issue is that Bob has now discovered that he misses public adulteration. Being away from the limelight for so long must be anathema for B&B. The tele-movie (what a road smash that promises to be, another blatant attack on yours truly) and the rewriting of history (that is, the second biography) is his way to regain the public love he misses.

    I do like Bob. He, in his day, could sell coal to Newcastle and shit to the press gallery. However, the Government was not just one person. It was a collection of party members, back benchers, Ministers and staffers. Bob even proved he could carry on without me when I went back to the back bench (not for long though).

    Even though I was a large part of the Hawke Government, and the source of most of its most inspired reforms, it was a team effort and everyone had their part to play. It was not all about me, or all about the Silver Bodgie. It was about the True Believers making the world a better place.

    I am not thrilled with the idea of writing a book. I am more concerned with my present projects: trying to turn Peter Walsh back to a human (or as close as possible), creating RoboGough so he can go back to 1972 and kill Sir John Kerr, redesigning Sydney to get rid of some of the blighted buildings (and find the best place for my 30m bronze statue), and planning my next suit and clock buying trip when the Euro zone economy ends up in Banana Republic zone. I don't need the love of the public like B&B does.

    I think it will be better to let the 30 year rule run its course on the Cabinet papers and let history and historians judge us. Unless they are arse licking liberalites of cause!

    10 Questions that the Tasmanian Liberal Fucktards want answered by Gilliard

    Well, the stagnant pool of slime called the Tassie Liberals have 10 questions for Julia Gillard. Since I don't care anymore, I will break the pollie code and answer them truthfully and succinctly.


    1. Will the Prime Minister rule out using taxpayers’ money to buy-out Tasmanian forest industry jobs?
    No. Throwing taxpayer money at Tassie Loggers wins more votes wins more votes with the urban greenies than it lose in the state where there is less population than Bankstown.
    2. Does the Prime Minister still support the Mark Latham forest policy, as she did in 2004?
    Who the fuck is Mark Latham?
    3. Will the Prime Minister give a guarantee that no Tasmanian mining company will be impacted by Labor’s proposed new mining tax?
    The Tasmanian mining industry was never the focus for the Resource Royalty Tax. If Tasmania was drawing in a shitload of people and paying truck drivers $100,000, then you might have issues.
    4. Why did Ms Gillard short-change Tasmanian cancer patients by $30 million?
    Because you get more bang for buck if you spend that $30 million anywhere else. 
    5. Where is the MRI machine for the North West coast that Sid Sidebottom promised?
    Next to the Unicorn and Magic Dust in the corner. Never count your promises until you put your cold dead hands on them.
    6. What is Ms Gillard doing to fix the debacle over the GP Super Clinics that Labor promised the Tasmanian people three years ago?
    See question 5
    7. Has the Prime Minister driven on the Midland Highway?
    No. Prime Ministers fly everywhere. 
    8. Will she match the Coalition’s $400 million commitment to duplicate it?
    Has hundred of people died on it? Does it supply an important port or inductry? Is it in a maginal seat? Thats the piority.
    9. Given that Ms Gillard’s predecessor Kevin Rudd said that while he was Prime Minister union boss Kevin Harkins’ chances of becoming a Labor Senator would be “Buckley’s and none”, would Ms Gillard now support a reinvigorated Kevin Harkins Senate campaign?
    Only if he guarantees 2 lower house seats.
    10. If she does, then would she also support Mr Harkins’ plan for Tasmania to be used as a regional processing centre for asylum seekers?
    Of cause not. We only intend to ship asylum seekers to third world countries. Sending them to Tasmania is cruel.
    Once again, I have to question if the Liberal backroom people parents where brothers and sisters....

    Wednesday, July 7, 2010

    Why do people have this delusion that democracy works?

    I am still fucking hearing from people saying they want a fucking "democratically elected" leader.

    Look, the fucking Westminster system never had popularly elected leadership, do you thing Oliver Cromwell would become Prime Minister if it was open up to popular fucking vote?

    The fact that the franchise has been open to all has only been around since 1895. AND THAT WAS IN FUCKING SOUTH AUSTRALIA! Before that only men had the franchise. And the Native Australians only got the vote in the 1960's!

    Even in America, you do not popularly elect the president. You vote for an electoral collage voter, who is not beholden to the voters who elect him, and CAN CHANGE who he/she is going to vote for! The reason this occurred was partly slave owners fearing being swamped by the populous north, and also the founding fathers where not too keen of leaving the President to popular vote.

    Fucking hell you guys, I am starting to sound like Bob fucking Carr!

    The fact that having a non democratically elected head of state (the Queen) means while you can get pure bastardry like in 1975 (maintain the fucking rage!), you also have a person who owes no one for his or her position. Serious money is needed to run a political campaign, and as the #openinternet weenies are discovering, the more money you throw at Canberra, the more votes you get where it counts, in Causcus!

    So shut the fuck up, you want change, pay for it!

    Monday, July 5, 2010

    There is no Red Traffic Light

    My fellow Australians, let me categorically say this: It's all Sussex st. fault.

    Those inept slimy toads could not run a real tax base, so they are dependent on traffic fines for revenue.

    And the bastards have it in for me.

    Clearly when the matter is finally sorted out with some oblique threats, um, I mean, careful review of the facts, I will clearly be vindicated of any transgression against the NSW road laws.

    Lying, cheating, backstabbing and other functions of NSW politics however, I claim the statue of limitations has passed, so there!

    The Ruddbot, bad design hurts.

    Now that the Ruddbot has been casted off by the headkickers of Sussex st, I decided to look at the design to see where it went wrong and if there was anything I can salvage for RoboGough.

    1. Empathy module. Clearly worked like a treat before the election. The "Kevin07" module, the Sunrise appearances, his tentative social media experiments worked fine. However, when he got to the Lodge, there must have been a power surge. What the fuck was he thinking about fucking around with the aussie lingo like that. It clearly showed there was a major bug in the Empathy module. However the Empathy module failed completely after Copenhagen, when the puppeteers dropped the Climate agenda. Clearly, the goodwill gained by "John Howard + Climate" subroutine failed, causing the whole module to collapse, leaving the punters bewildered and confused.

    2. The Bullshitinator. Always important for a pollie, to bullshit like there is no tomorrow (because it is often the truth). This should have been working perfectly, as Howard has been using the source code for 13 years. The truth is, the Bullshitinator module was badly ported to the Ruddbott, and he looked like a little boy caught in the biscuit barrel. If you cant lie, don't. If you can lie, don't get caught. Simple rules. Saying Climate was the "Most Important Thing EVER" then dropping it like a primed grenade was so fucking stupid, and Ruddbot was caught in the explosion.

    3. Timing. The time to call a Double Dissolution election was after the 3rd vote on Climate. Clearly the number cruncher module was not even switched on.  Never leave number crunching to the Labor Machine, they are too busy working their own numbers to care for the electoral polls. Hoping the Mad Monk would crack under pressure was insane. Although I have to give credit to John and Bronwyn's bastard sprog, he surprised me by not totally fucking himself up al la Peter Debnam.

    4. The Killer module. A politician needs to be a blood sport gladiator on speed. If you are not kicking your opponent in the nuts, you are kicking the heads of your caucus. However, being a killer does not mean running your ministers as announcing machines for your decisions. You need to give them breathing space, because when you (inevitably) cock punch them for fucking up, it looks more believable if the minister actually made the mistake. Cock punching because of YOUR mistake is bloody obvious to everyone, and it only makes caucus and Cabinet more willing to stab you in the back when the numbers turn to shit. As they did.

    So, is there anything in Ruddbot I can use for RoboGough? Spare parts. Everything else has suckage disease, and not worth the effort in salvaging.

    Saturday, July 3, 2010

    Some Home Truths

    You must have heard a lot of crap being flung around during the spill about "mandates" and "being elected to do a job". Guess what? There is no fucking mandate! We do not fucking elect governments, let alone Prime Ministers!

    We vote for 1 person per division. 1. If you are lucky enough to live in a swinging electorate, then your vote is worth something, and money will flow into your electorate. If you are in a safe electorate for one of the major parties (like, ahem, Bankstown), your vote means shit. It is so shit that sometimes the party machine will put into the electorate someone who is unelectable anywhere else (like a union boss or religious fundy nutjob who is tight with the party).

    So we vote for one person. And chances are, that person is not even who you voted for. Anyway, the person the majority of the people in your division voted for (or snuck in on preference deals that makes Antony Green's head explode) goes to Canberra. There the Governor General will ask all the people who managed to win their electorate "Who shall become the Government".

    So it is Parliament, not the people, who elect the government. And the Prime Minister. Generally elected by the government. So even LESS people vote on who leads the government than who vote to FORM government.

    And the powers of a Prime Minister. According to the constitution, none. NOT EVEN MENTIONED! All that is mentioned is that a "Council of Ministers" shall advise the Governor General. There is NO FUCKING CABINET mentioned EITHER!

    You don't need a cabinet. Gough and Lance Barnard formed a duumvirate where all the ministries where split between Gough and Barnard for 2 weeks. PERFECTLY LEGAL!

    Governments and Cabinets can take any form Parliament allows. All you need is the numbers. And not from the voters, but from the political drones you idiots elected to go there. Don't you feel like an idiot now? Huh?

    So, next time you hear someone mention "MANDATE" to you, you are authorised by me, Former PM Paul Keating, to beat the fucking shit out of them. Those people are to dumb to live. And if it was a politician who says it, kill their whole fucking family, to prevent the posion in the gene pool to expand.

    Julia Gillard is on Twitter

    Yeah, I know you don't care that @JuliaGillard is on Twitter.

    I am just hoping her tweets are not as boring lame arsed as @kevinRuddPM. Fucking hell they where tedious!

    So, here I am, you ungrateful scum

    Not only do I sacrifice my valuable time telling you shits what you need to know on twitter, I have now decided to enter the wild web, (what do the kids call it, the bogosphere?), to lay down some home truths.

    Or maybe not. This fucking keyboard clicking is clashing horribly with the Seth Thomas Beehive clock I have on my desk.

    So, remind me, what the fuck am I doing here anyway?